Blogging And All That Malarkey

Could you be a canary?

I’m almost at the end of preparing materials for “Hardboiled Web Design” and soon I’ be writing. To demonstrate various CSS3 properties, I’ve put together an archives page in the demonstration site, “It’s Hardboiled”. That’s where you come in (again).

I was inspired by the style of newspapers from the ’40’s and ’50’s. I say inspired, because I want the design to be an homage instead of a slavish copy. But hold the front page, with news like that it must have been a slow news day. That’s where you come in (again).

Hold the front page

If you’re game:

Write a short news summary (30-40 words) for the side columns
Make it about what you think is newsworthy (or funny)
Post it to the comments
Don’t forget a hardboiled headline
(or your name for the byline)

I’ll be writing the main feature, plus five or six of your stories will make into “Hardboiled Web Design”. Although this is not strictly a competition, I will send ten people whose stories I like the most an S&N logo pin¹.

The small print

1. This is not spec work, if you have time and want to participate, fantastic. Do it because you want to, not because I’m asking. Nor is it a competition, not in any legal sense. My gun is quick and my decision is final. Pins are not prizes, instead think of them as gifts, from me to a few.

2. By posting your story, you implicitly grant me a non-exclusive license to reproduce it in the “Hardboiled Web Design” book, associated and derivative materials including articles and blog posts, video tutorials, workshop slides and materials or conference talks. Your name will credited each and every time your story is used.

I will post my ten favourite stories in a week and I hope you’ll chime in with comments too.

Leave your comment

Patrick H. Lauke

February 10 2010 @ 09:29am #

ok, here goes…

“Explorer wanted in double margin murders

Police found another Div floating face down in the murky waters of the docks in the early hours of the morning. Sources within the police department have now confirmed that this latest murder bears the all the hallmarks of the recent double margin murders. The perp, dubbed “the Explorer” by the newshounds, is still at large.”

Andy Clarke

February 10 2010 @ 09:32am #

@Patrick H. Lauke : Now that’s what I’m talking about!

Andrew

February 10 2010 @ 10:15am #

Beware, the Shrinking Virus!

It first started as something people barely noticed, but it has become something of an epidemic in recent years. Oddly, the virus only preys on older websites that must have been built with some secret vulnerability. Web site owners are baffled as to how they became infected. Said the anonymous owner of a site that hasn’t been updated since 2001, “I don’t know how my website became infected, but year after year, it just gets smaller and smaller. I can’t even read it anymore! I keep buying a bigger and better computer each year, hoping that it would fix the problem. But it just gets worse!”

The big anti-virus companies don’t seem to be interested in the virus and are not seeking resolution on the issue.

Jason Ward

February 10 2010 @ 10:23am #

I must certainly admit, Patrick set the tone. I’m only afraid this is too… topical. And not-veiled-enough:

The Flash KO’D In Latest Bout!

World-famous (and media-infamous) masked brawler known only as “The Flash” had his once-solid pedestal shaken by young upstart I. Pad, son and grandson of bruiser legends. The Flash’s manager was unavailable for comment after a belligerent storm-out following the historic round.

Antony Kennedy

February 10 2010 @ 10:44am #

Hi Andy,

Completely unrelated - but the reason we use Lorem Ipsum is to avoid patterns and cognitive interference in text, so the design stands alone, and our eyes and minds don’t latch onto anything but the layout and feel. Since we are all so familiar with Lorem Ipsum now, it is good practise to actually generate the text WITHOUT Lorem Ipsum at the beginning, and use lots of different blocks of text. This ensures no weird patterns occurring, and no recognisable text for our eyes to be distracted by.

http://lipsum.lipsum.com/ allows you to generate text and choose NOT to start with Lorem Ipsum.

It could be that you just knocked this up quickly, and are completely aware of everything I just said. If this is the case, delete my comment, and you can smack me upside the head at @Media 2010 :)

Antony

Zach LeBar

February 10 2010 @ 12:32pm #

New Craze Sweeping the Nation!

There’s complete pandamonium across the Interwebs. Born out of humble roots, rock group CSS3 is taking audience’s by storm. We interviewed a young man named Chrome who’s response to our questions about CSS3 was simply, “I can’t get enough!” We also spoke with the president of the CSS3 fan club, a Mr. Web Kit who proclaims it as the future, and stated that those who don’t jump on board now will soon be sorry. Not everyone’s jumping though, as Mr. I. E. Xplorer, an outspoken member of the community, was quoted as saying, “Why bother with new trends, they only end up changing anyway.” Only time will tell how popular CSS3 becomes.

——————————-

Sorry for going over the 30-40 word limit. Man, there’s no way I could’ve been a newspaper journalist. My editors would’ve hated me. Thanks for the fun challenge.

-Zach LeBar
Beat Reporter for The Hardboiled Times

Zach LeBar

February 10 2010 @ 12:35pm #

Oh…I meant to proclaim my admiration for Patrick’s post as well. Really got me into the mood of things. Truly well-done work. One could almost say hardboiled. Huh, get it well-done…hardboiled…oh, never mind.

clawsout

February 10 2010 @ 02:18pm #

“The Prints of Wales was seen disoriented, stumbling and shouting at passers-by in Fleet Street late last night. At one point he was overheard to yell “I’m still relevant!” all the while gesticulating wildly with his ink-stained fingers. The former magnate’s once robust health and huge fortune have waned in recent years with the advent of the… continued page 8.”

Possible headlines:
“Prints requires calibration”
“Prints not fine”

...or something?

Ryan Brunsvold

February 10 2010 @ 02:19pm #

I’m running with the 1940’s theme…

“Breaking News: Goebbels still jumps, screams like little girl.

Berlin, Nov. 16 (UP)—- Several of our boys serving as spies (cleverly disguised as common German verbena… hit ‘em where they least expect ya, Boys!), noted that while inspecting Germany’s newest warplane manufacturing plant Propaganda Minister Joseph Goebbels accidentally kicked over a grease can, exposing “Hans”, a brown field mouse and the employee mascot. “I never a-heard a man holler like that. Sounded like a pig on hot blacktop.” says Pt. Amos Elliot from Op, Alabama.”

Ryan Brunsvold

February 10 2010 @ 02:50pm #

Alright, here’s one that actually sticks to the requirements of 30-40 words.

“Downtown Buzz:

A local well-to-do dandy was seen down by the docks selling paper pads claiming they were “magical” and “revolutionary.” The man was promptly beaten to death by an anonymous mob.”

Andrew

February 10 2010 @ 02:52pm #

Yeah, I got carried away with the word thing, before I read the word limit. Woops! O’well, it probably wont be included, but it is still very funny, if I do say so myself.

Sulcalibur

February 10 2010 @ 09:53pm #

I’d be up for this, since some smelly bastard stole my last pin on my bag. I just need to think of something cool :)

Sulcalibur

February 10 2010 @ 10:02pm #

“Body floating in Margin Canal”

News of bodies floating (mainly to the left) in the waters of the Margin Canal. Strange members of the mod ‘Inline Gang’ suspected of fowl play as Vespa bikes were seen leaving the scene.

Inspector Element is on the case.

My quick submission, if I think of anything better I’ll post that up too :)

Sulcalibur

February 10 2010 @ 10:03pm #

Oops forgot to add my name:

Professor Suleiman Leadbitter ;)

Matt Bee

February 10 2010 @ 10:26pm #

Designer charged with discrimination

A well known web designer has appeared in court accused of discriminating against those using a well known browser. By not offering smooth rounded corners to Internet Explorer, it is claimed that the unnamed designer is being browserist. The case continues.

simon r jones

February 10 2010 @ 10:26pm #

a change of topic to something cheesy..

“Mass Cheese Panic

As the world Cheddar shortage enters its third week, crowds overwhelmed local branches of Tesco yesterday. Wild rumours are spreading that Wales, who closed the border with England last week, is supplying the supermarket with class A Caerphilly. The UN meets today to discuss the crisis.

Kirk

February 10 2010 @ 10:30pm #

Boy Jockey To Face Double Derby Murder Quiz

Louisville, Dec 12 - Mickie (The Kid) Cunningham, once three times winner of the Junior Derby now a two time looser as he faces charges in the brutal slaying of Timmie (No Toes) Ryan and 19 year old Myllicent Merriweather. Mr. Cunningham is accused of driving over Mr. Ryan with his father’s Studebaker twice and Miss Merriweather once - in reverse.

Munchkin

February 10 2010 @ 10:35pm #

“Bill’s long boast was that he had the first interweb browser in America is purely historical now that the Explorer has made it’s final run to the barns - and oblivion.

Explorer was born in Richmond only 62 years ago. The rate of transition to compliant browsers and other forms of interweb transportation here and elsewhere it is doubtful if the once potent Redmond product will reach man’s alloted life span of three score and 10.”

—-

I hope that this makes the grade :)

Kirk

February 10 2010 @ 10:37pm #

Haha - I’ve so missed the point of this exercise :) Please disregard previous entry :P

Munchkin

February 10 2010 @ 10:42pm #

AArrrgh forgot to add a title… Sorry for the spam, I hope you forgive me.

You’ve Missed the Last Trolley

Bill’s long boast was that he had the first interweb browser in America is purely historical now that the Explorer has made it’s final run to the barns - and oblivion.

Explorer was born in Richmond only 62 years ago. The rate of transition to compliant browsers and other forms of interweb transportation here and elsewhere it is doubtful if the once potent Redmond product will reach man’s alloted life span of three score and 10.

Johny Favourite

February 10 2010 @ 10:49pm #

I’m not sure of the wording - I have about 6 versions but I’m going with this…...

City Library showcases new list section

Library manager, Jon Doe, has announced the latest section available to the public is to contain books whose sole content will be lists after list after list.

A recent visitor told us “Smashing. I’ll definitely be using this for my next design”.

Graham D Pilling

February 10 2010 @ 10:59pm #

Client knows a ‘thing or two’ about website design

Regarding his ideas for the new company website, local businessman Mr. A. Verageclient was recently quoted as stating, “We have no budget for the project and are very interested in hearing from designers who are looking for unique opportunities and portfolio pieces.”

Rob Kirton

February 11 2010 @ 12:16am #

“A day in the life of….”
Yesterday, a web designer left a clients office. Although instructed how the site to was look, he was unable to elicit any information about content or indeed what the site was to do. He was last seen trying to put a cart before his horse.

- Rob Kirton

(A tough brief -> 53 words)

Rob Kirton

February 11 2010 @ 12:21am #

Hmmmm 45 words..

Don’t you just love word count in M$ Word :0)

Paul Burton

February 11 2010 @ 12:49am #

Headline: The End On Apple

Police arrested a disgruntled PC user in an Apple store after he allegedly attempted to scan his bare buttocks. Witnesses said the man shouted “Fuck Steve Jobs!”, then removed his pants and sat on an iPad.

Andy Clarke

February 11 2010 @ 12:57am #

@Paul Burton: Perhaps that story might be better on the inside pages, not the front page?

Keep ‘em coming.

Don

February 11 2010 @ 06:11am #

Gangland War Considered Over
By Tex Shadow
Residents of the Web Side are venturing out again now that the Fivers, led by “Hixie” Hickson, are said to have eliminated the Ex-Two gang.

Wow, 30-40 word is tough. It’s easy to expand into a whole column. There are some great entries, lead by the incredible one by Patrick.

Jesse

February 11 2010 @ 07:24am #

WA Racketeer Nabbed
by Skip Links

Redmond—Inspector Dom of RPD Vice announced that lengthy surveillance has helped collar notorious thug “Ballsy Steve.” “Nice website,” Steve often remarked while strong-arming businesspeople, “...shame if something were to *happen* to it. You don’t wanna break the web, do ya?”

Hans verschooten

February 11 2010 @ 11:56pm #

Dames remain in distress

A recent survey in the private investigator industry has revealed that most clients are dames. They tend to smoke and leave lipstick prints everywhere. Any other type would be not worth the time of pondering in a voice over.

read more on page 3.

john

February 14 2010 @ 08:38am #

Don’t give up hope

A talented young man always wanted to be a writer but he didn’t have the opportunity or somebody to pull strings for him. That was until one day when, after a stupid accident, he helped a young girl that proved to be the daughter of a well known publisher. Everything changed for him since that day.

Rick Stead

February 16 2010 @ 04:20am #

Overflow Tragedy Provides Hope for Future

Local officials believe the destruction caused by last year’s river-overflow could prove a blessing in disguise; a chance to look ahead to the future and re-build our community from the ground up.

Theo

February 17 2010 @ 03:53am #

Tragedy in Space

We sadly announce the lost of our space shuttle “No bugs”. The last message received from captain Keerk`s logbook :
I still can not sleep, the beast is following me in my dreams i can`t resist anymore, damn you IE 6 !

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Could you be a canary?

Hold the front page

The small print

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Hardboiled Web Design by Andy Clarke