Dealing with debt heavies

The phone gags live on.

You probably know how it is, this time you're at work and the phone rings.

The debt collection heavy

Sales-woman: Good afternoon, it's Elsie from PayUp or Elsie. Have you had any trouble with bad debtors in the last six years?
Malarkey: Well we had some at first, but we have a system now and all our customers pay on time, sometimes even early.
Sales-woman: Wow, that's amazing! How do you do it?
Malarkey: One of our guys (Vladimir) is ex Russian Army. He brought two dogs with him, Boris and Egor. They are getting a bit old now and have lost most of their teeth, but they can still give you a darn good sucking! Any sign of trouble and we just threaten them with a suck.
Sales-woman: You're having me on.
Malarkey: Seriously. Did you say your name was Elsie? You sound like you're from Liverpool? Vlad lives in Liverpool and he is taking Boris and Egor for a walk in the park on Sunday. Shall I tell him you'll meet him there?
Sales-woman: What?
Malarkey: Well you sound like a nice lady and Vladimir is such a sweet guy. Don't be put off by his eye-patch though. Shall I tell him 11 o'clock by the bus stop? He's gonna to be soooo pleased, he hasn't been out with an English girl. You'll be his first!
Sales-woman: (Sound of hanging up)
Malarkey: Errr, hello?

Original comments

#1 On July 4, 2005 12:37 PM Faruk Ateş said:

*laughs loudly* Brilliant, hilarious, excellent!

#2 On July 4, 2005 01:08 PM Blair Millen said:

Yup, another belter!

You must have been thinking quickly on your feet...

#3 On July 4, 2005 01:26 PM trovster said:

HAHAHA

#4 On July 4, 2005 01:31 PM patrick h. lauke said:

can we rope in vlad's services for the enforcement arm of the WaSP ATF please? failing that, can he run a few classes for us on Systema to get the job done ourselves?

#5 On July 4, 2005 06:13 PM Matt Robin said:

Nice one Andy! A bit more thought than most people and very polite throughout...(funny too)

Me: I can say "Not interested," AND hang-up in the time it takes someone to say "But..." (That's just ruthless!)

(Wasn't Vlad and his dogs in the film 'Lock Stock and two smoking barrels'?)

#6 On July 4, 2005 06:24 PM Malarkey said:

@ Matt Robin: Naaaa, that was Bullet Tooth Tony wasn't it?

(Here's a funny thing I remembered today. Some friends of mine who are print designers in Chester did some business cards for a real debt collection mob in Liverpool. Their strapline was, We Don't Fuck About.)

#7 On July 4, 2005 07:13 PM Andrew Creek said:

Tele marketers have been a source of entertainment in my house for years. Now that they cant call me at home (don't call list) I get them at work all the time and it really works as a nice break in the middle of a hard work day.

#8 On July 4, 2005 09:29 PM Sean Fraser said:

What've you got for messages on your error pages?

#9 On July 4, 2005 10:23 PM Andy Saxton said:

@Malarkey

Thats the best strap line ever. Wonder what Jakob Nielsen would make of that! ;)

And it was Bullet Tooth Tony in Lock Stock.

#10 On July 5, 2005 12:41 AM Yannick L. said:

LOL that was brilliant! Well done. You could also try messing with people who dial the wrong number. hehe funny stuff.

#11 On July 5, 2005 12:47 AM Matt Robin said:

Andy: Cheers...Bullet Tooth Tony then (only the second time today I've been corrected on Movie trivia....damn - losing my touch!)
Good strapline by the way "We don't fuck about,"

(Hmmm...that could come in handy at work!)

#12 On July 5, 2005 10:28 AM Jocke said:

Ohhhhh! That's evil! We don't have many of these debt collctors in Sweden but I'll try it out if I ever get a phone call like that.

#13 On July 5, 2005 03:01 PM Max said:

I even like the name of the fictitious service!

Their strapline was, We Don't Fuck About.

I need that on my business card.

And Bullet Tooth Tony was a character in Snatch, not Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels (Vinnie's character was named "Big Chris" in that one).

#14 On July 6, 2005 03:47 PM Graham Bancroft said:

I think the Russian chap in Snatch was called Boris?

Stuff & Nonsense Home

Blogging And All That Malarkey

The debt collection heavy

Original comments

#1 On July 4, 2005 12:37 PM Faruk Ateş said:

#2 On July 4, 2005 01:08 PM Blair Millen said:

#3 On July 4, 2005 01:26 PM trovster said:

#4 On July 4, 2005 01:31 PM patrick h. lauke said:

#5 On July 4, 2005 06:13 PM Matt Robin said:

#6 On July 4, 2005 06:24 PM Malarkey said:

#7 On July 4, 2005 07:13 PM Andrew Creek said:

#8 On July 4, 2005 09:29 PM Sean Fraser said:

#9 On July 4, 2005 10:23 PM Andy Saxton said:

#10 On July 5, 2005 12:41 AM Yannick L. said:

#11 On July 5, 2005 12:47 AM Matt Robin said:

#12 On July 5, 2005 10:28 AM Jocke said:

#13 On July 5, 2005 03:01 PM Max said:

#14 On July 6, 2005 03:47 PM Graham Bancroft said:

Leave your comment

Blogging And All That Malarkey

Dealing with debt heavies

The debt collection heavy

Original comments

#1 On July 4, 2005 12:37 PM Faruk Ateş said:

#2 On July 4, 2005 01:08 PM Blair Millen said:

#3 On July 4, 2005 01:26 PM trovster said:

#4 On July 4, 2005 01:31 PM patrick h. lauke said:

#5 On July 4, 2005 06:13 PM Matt Robin said:

#6 On July 4, 2005 06:24 PM Malarkey said:

#7 On July 4, 2005 07:13 PM Andrew Creek said:

#8 On July 4, 2005 09:29 PM Sean Fraser said:

#9 On July 4, 2005 10:23 PM Andy Saxton said:

#10 On July 5, 2005 12:41 AM Yannick L. said:

#11 On July 5, 2005 12:47 AM Matt Robin said:

#12 On July 5, 2005 10:28 AM Jocke said:

#13 On July 5, 2005 03:01 PM Max said:

#14 On July 6, 2005 03:47 PM Graham Bancroft said:

Leave your comment

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