Stuff and Nonsense

Malarkey is Andy Clarke, a UK based designer, author and speaker who has a passion for design, CSS and web accessibility.

Andy has been working on the web for almost ten years. He is a visual web designer and author and he founded Stuff and Nonsense in 1998. Andy regularly writes about creating beautiful, accessible web sites and he speaks at events worldwide. Andy is the author of Transcending CSS: The Fine Art of Web Design, published by New Riders in 2006.

Arno Zimmerman in Adactio Pour Domme

The one in which Arno Zimmerman writes to Jeremy Keith.

My good friend Arno Zimmerman has been busy this Easter weekend, attempting to procure domain names for his nefarious purposes clients. In today's episode, Jeremy Keith smells a rat (rather than the sweet smell of money) in Adactio Pour Domme. Plus: the truth about Arno Zimmerman.

Adactio pour domme

Arno's first approach

My name is Arno Zimmerman and I am CEO of an Internet domain name acquisitions agency based here in Manhattan. My agency is currently engaged by a well-known fragrance manufacturer who will soon be launching a new product range under the brand of Adactio. Adactio is a new fragrance for men and will be marketed world-wide and on all media, including of course the Internet. My client is therefore very keen to purchase the rights to the domain name from you.

I am sure that you will understand that I cannot provide you with much in the way of information about our client at this time. However I can assure you that they are sincere in their offer, and that they are keen to conclude this purchase quickly. I would be interested to learn how much you would require for this transfer of ownership.

Arno Zimmerman

Jeremy's reply

Thanks for getting in touch.I could never imagine letting go of my domain name but the idea of a fragrance called Adactio is almost irresistible. I'm not really very money-oriented so I'm not going to name some huge price. I am, however, a huge attention whore. Therefore, all I ask is that I am the face of the advertising campaign for the fragrance.

It's a win-win situation. You get your domain name, I get my face on a billboard in Times Square and sales of the fragrance will undoubtedly skyrocket.

Arno's follow up

You have asked to be considered as the face of the advertising campaign for the fragrance and I will pass on your request to the advertising agencies handling the Adactio campaign. Will you please email to me a selection of photographs of yourself? As the campaign concepts feature a bare chested man, I would be grateful if you would include photographs from the waist up and of your naked chest.

As the media buying for the campaign is not yet finalized, I cannot guarantee a billboard in New York. However I do know that the poster campaign for Adactio will run across the UK, so your image will appear on several thousand London buses.

While I have little influence on movie casting, as The Kartooner is an action movie I am sure that there will be a small part for you. Do you have one?

Jeremy replied to Arno on his blog.

Arno seals the deal

I have today been discussing your participation in the marketing for Adactio with my contacts at the advertising agency handlng the campaign and they have agreed to shortlist you for the face of Adactio, a new fragrance for the discerning gay man.

I will pass on your file to our legal team who will deal with the legalities of the domain name transfer. It has been a very real pleasure doing business with you.

So, a done deal for Arno it seems. Mike Davidson has even been so kind as to start marketing the new fragrance, while James and Kenneth Himschoot are already having fun on Flickr.

Update: Who is Arno Zimmerman?

So it's time to fess up, Arno Zimmerman is my second cousin on my mother's side Malarkey, Malarkey is Arno Zimmerman. I thought that it might be fun to hit on a few of the rich and famous, and thank you to all those who played along. You were great sports.

More from Arno another day. Next up, Paul Scrivens.


  1. #1 On April 17, 2006 03:05 PM Rob Wilmshurst said:

    ROFLMAO!!1! indeed.

    Jeremy's discerning gay man face is priceless in the Vanity Fair pic.

    Now you'll have to excuse me while I change my underwear. I appear to have soiled myself whist giggling.

  2. #2 On April 17, 2006 11:09 PM nortypig said:

    And here I was flirting with the idea of selling my own pig name related domains off to the farm industry - my face on a million grain bags wow.

    great joke lol.

  3. #3 On April 17, 2006 11:18 PM kartooner said:

    Nice one Andy! You certainly had me fooled. :) Good show.

    Now, about that $66,000.00? ;)

  4. #4 On April 17, 2006 11:33 PM Scrivs said:

    Good show. And now I must take back my new car, house, wife and island.

  5. #5 On April 18, 2006 12:24 AM Andy Saxton said:

    This is a classic! Well done sir.
    Looking forward to the rest already.

  6. #6 On April 18, 2006 01:22 AM Jeff L said:

    You crazy bastard, I almost choked when I read the 'mules' line on Scrivs' site.

  7. #7 On April 18, 2006 03:09 AM Chris Gwynne said:

    Very nicely done. I especially liked the following...

    When Jeremy talked about becoming the face of Adactio you add in the part about becoming the face of "a new fragrance for the discerning gay man."

    A very funny touch to it. Props!

  8. #8 On April 18, 2006 04:40 PM Isofarro said:

    The final response from Arno to (after a price was tabled) was majestic. Brilliant, Mr Clarke!

  9. #9 On April 18, 2006 08:46 PM matt said:

    Oh you really are a naughty man.

  10. #10 On April 20, 2006 12:38 AM Sam said:

    Does the name, by any chance, have some inspiration from that excellent Brit comedy: Red Dwarf and a certain Arnold Rimmer, who stars in it?

This article was originally published by Andy Clarke on his personal web site And All That Malarkey and is reproduced here for archive purposes. This article is published under a Creative Commons By Attribution License 2.0.

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