Malarkey is Andy Clarke, a creative designer with a passion for accessibility and web standards. This is his personal website.

More referrer log malarkey

Way back when, I listed my favourite top ten phrases that people search for to find my site. Now thanks to the wonders of MeasureMap, it’s time for ten more.

Search strings are a particular favourite, an insight into some of the (usually warped) ways that people find this little site of mine. So, if you’ve got a site and if you’ve got some stats, let me know some of the weirdest/funniest/down-right strange things that people search for to find your site.

Post them here or write them on your blog and post a link back here.

Here is my new top ten favourites for And All That Malarkey.

Confused? I still am ;)

Let’s have yours!


  1. #1 On December 16, 2005 12:11 PM Jeroen Mulder said:

    I wonder what such a person’s reaction would be when visiting here..

    "Where are my undies! Google told me you got undies! Gimme my trendy undies :-("

    Very confused. I shall take a look in mine..

  2. #2 On December 16, 2005 12:19 PM Colly said:

    • Pictures of ladies
    • Cock
    • Cocks
    • Small action man
    • Weebles
    • public hangings
    • Evil Knievel stunt cycle
    • earth tremor
    • crazy shapes
    • christmas dinner
  3. #3 On December 16, 2005 12:24 PM David said:

    I’m amazed that with one short blog post, I’m now second in the google rankings for the intriguing combination of words ’moo flex’.

    With a bit more work, it’d be great to be top for just plain ’moo’.

  4. #4 On December 16, 2005 12:27 PM Kate Bolin said:

    gimme gimme gimme costumes
    christmas present monkey

    I haven’t decided if the last one is a monkey for a christmas present or christmas presents for monkeys. Either way, I am sad that the results show my site rather than actual monkeys.

  5. #5 On December 16, 2005 12:29 PM Susan said:

    Really ineteresting =) Unusual tastes!

  6. #6 On December 16, 2005 12:49 PM Andy Higgs said:

    Some random ones:

      free porn download trial besty capoeira and dreadlocks dan sniff rapid share lucy pinder (don’t we all) westside crew 2005 rowing in taiwan james baker

    These are my favourites:

      banal extra adhesive clock (???)
      amusing risque photo (Porn for posh people from the 1920s?)
      ginger minge (on my site….?)
      bendy woman

  7. #7 On December 16, 2005 12:51 PM Andy Higgs said:

    Apparently the live preview can deceive…

    That top list was meant to go:

    free porn download trial besty
    capoeira and dreadlocks
    dan sniff
    rapid share lucy pinder (don’t we all)
    westside crew
    2005 rowing in taiwan james baker

  8. #8 On December 16, 2005 01:06 PM Pete Smith said:

    > Alice the Goon
    > Thomas Brolin
    > sue pollard look a like
    > welsh beavers
    > asda gurkin rat
    > bramhall recreation centre bramhall county high school, seal road, bramhall, stockport sk7. tel: 0161-439 8128 - could they be anymore specific?

  9. #9 On December 16, 2005 02:13 PM paul haine said:

    "Hiccups give me an erection"

    I’m not sure if that person was looking for a solution, or simply boasting, but I hope that whatever it was, he found it. Disappointingly, I used to be the #1 result in Google for that query but now I’m just #2.

  10. #10 On December 16, 2005 02:24 PM Daniel Oliver said:

    Some of my best ones were -

    neurotic disorder
    dan i am not trying to do that
    dan i should be getting my soon
    england football ass
    i only have arrived this morning
    html gubbins
    dan so
    dan you haven t

    Now I really don’t understand what some people were expecting to achieve from these search terms? I laugh every time I picture someone sat at home typing these words of wisdom into google and expecting to find something of any use?

  11. #11 On December 16, 2005 02:33 PM Malarkey said:

    @ Colly: Interesting, seeing how action men and weebles are all genitalialy challenged!

    @ Pete: Welsh beavers? Say no more! :)

    @ Paul Haine: You too huh?

    Great fun, keep ’em coming!

  12. #12 On December 16, 2005 03:09 PM Aaron Gustafson said:

    I don’t get nearly the traffic (or have nearly as many posts), but here’s a few interesting ones (in no particular order):

    • great woman
    • I need a job
    • halleluiah
    • Congressional Voting Record 11/18/05
    • dif reader
    • listen to Ben Folds Zak and Sara
  13. #13 On December 16, 2005 03:09 PM Brian said:

    I went through all of my past referrer logs and came up with a bunch of good ones. I put them over on my site so I wouldn’t take up a lot of space here. A little hard to read ’em ’cause I couldn’t think about making it pretty this morning. For a quick look, here are my favorite twelve:

    taking adderall anally
    small drug purple passed around
    hate ace frehley
    how to hide thumbs
    i like me i think i m fine
    squirrel armpit
    butt scooching dog why is my worms
    groin productions
    my story of hantavirus
    licking toner
    hygeine penis holder
    target dog bullseye 7 beanie

    You really start to wonder what you’ve been writing about after a bit.

  14. #14 On December 16, 2005 03:14 PM Geoffrey Sneddon said:

    speech on sports day
    game with the letters csv&r
    thomson desk gatwick south terminal
    "GE offers"
    CSV delimiter
    how to do a sidebar in xhtml
    css3 syntax safari
    how to change car light bulbs

    I can honestly say my blog has nothing about any of them.

  15. #15 On December 16, 2005 04:07 PM Kyle said:

    lost cell phone
    lost my cell phone
    find my lost cell phone
    debauchery and libations
    digital babes
    overtone unhelpful
    ms milf
    please keep comments clean blog

  16. #16 On December 16, 2005 05:39 PM Craig C. said:

    Some gems from the last 7 days:

    swords and lasers
    fucking sleazy
    Venereal big
    Rosebud is a sled
    submissive housewife
    how not to look like a geek
    fresh virginal
    shaven workplace
    character entities evil
    How do I get my address on a spamlist?

  17. #17 On December 16, 2005 07:28 PM Shawn Parker said:

    cammel toe
    baton bob
    ie 7 download warez
    beastmaster cheese avatar funny
    asuka langley waterbed
    pud puppies
    prune taster with a stomach virus
    i like barbasol so well i shave all over
    boob and paper with php and gd

    and, my personal favorite
    a pussy soaked in apple juice

  18. #18 On December 16, 2005 07:57 PM Ms. Jen said:

    I usually get a lot of folks from the US Military looking for black nudes and I have a running set of posts that I document what the search items are, which only reinforces my black nude status….

    Today’s referrers, not so salacious:
    Last 10 queries:
    1. black phoebe
    2. bad car repair
    3. cute toes
    4. why do my hands shake
    5. srs light
    6. nikki sixx nude
    7. ice cream headache, cold
    8. black phoebe
    9. what does it mean when yo
    10. "love ireland"

  19. #19 On December 16, 2005 09:13 PM feaverish said:

    pubic wigs for sale

  20. #20 On December 17, 2005 12:45 AM Ara Pehlivanian said:

    canadian humint course
    army rangers
    cia camp peary
    ara www
    google ara
    ara gmail

  21. #21 On December 17, 2005 01:04 AM Sander said:

    The weirest search that led to me this year was: "i need a place to stay i don’t have money but i fuck real great" (through msn).

    There are other weird ones, but they just can’t compare. :)

  22. #22 On December 17, 2005 04:12 AM Dave said:

    matt earles + one bloody night + nudity
    easy songs for beginners on acoustic guitar that havent l
    "from your face to your toes" lyrics
    raven riley getting raped
    "jason white" "guitar" "stoned"
    name the scientist who is known for his work
    "chang thing" video
    pinoy song cheat code

  23. #23 On December 17, 2005 09:08 AM Ed Note said:

    Glad to see someone else doing this too… Here are some faves from my site (not updated recently, but nevertheless):

  24. #24 On December 17, 2005 08:40 PM Peter said:

    I’ve got some really odd ones onto my little site - and I’ve been documenting them now and again:

    Anyway, this post got me digging in the logs to find some more strange ones - the following things can’t be found on my site:

    the jedi order europe
    anchorage history mural
    welsh morality
    charlie and the chocolate factory slash
    benicio in three way
    medieval photos of people

    the "medieval photos" line is definitely one of my favourites… as is one that found me recently: ’geekiest people’ -- how’s that for an honorific?


  25. #25 On December 18, 2005 09:39 AM bruce said:

    "donkey for sale", "i hate christmas music", "WANKER", "penis piercing", "i have an imaginary freind", "hijabs sexy", "pics of people with one tooth".

    By my referrer logs shall ye know me

  26. #26 On December 18, 2005 01:53 PM Malarkey said:

    @ Bruce: "By my referrer logs shall ye know me". Why bruce? Do you have a donkey for sale? How much do you want for him?

  27. #27 On December 18, 2005 03:53 PM paul haine said:

    Hey, I just found out that I’m the number one Google result for ’What the fuck are hiccups’.

    Perhaps I should work on making Joeblade the hiccup-capital of the internet…

  28. #28 On December 19, 2005 09:32 AM Phunky said:

    Top10 for EuroCSS.NET in December are…

    eurocsp csp
    autoexec counter strike source
    counter-strike source demo: dirtysecret vs mugnmouse
    counter-strike source fps tweaks
    dirtysecret banned
    euro css
    order audacious

    Top10 for in Dec are…

    mark phunky harwood
    simpsons quote plugin wordpress 1
    eurocsp download
    mark harwood phunky
    simpson quote wordpres
    counter-strike source cl_interp block
    eurocsp v1.1
    csp2 cs s
    eurocss csp

    Not that great really :/

  29. #29 On December 19, 2005 10:43 AM bruce said:

    Sadly, I don’t have a donkey for sale, but I posted about an ad for a concrete donkey .

    Neither, I may as well add now to clear up any confusion, do I have a sexy hijab, pierced penis or imaginary friend. I do however fess up to being a wanker.

  30. #30 On December 19, 2005 01:56 PM Olly said:

    diagnosis murder torrent
    animals shagging
    testicle modification
    zane lowes wife
    fancy dress for ve day
    avoid phlegm
    masturbate a thon pictures
    picture of morph from hart beat
    how soon after a dislocated hip can you start riding again
    drastic accident photo
    what is a jeyboy?
    pictures of a red face from sun burn
    what does orange juice do to tooth enamel
    nude pictures of angelina olly
    silly fly noises
    speed of pasta monkeys

  31. #31 On December 19, 2005 02:13 PM mark rush said:

    most of the time its stuff to do with our clients, i know once we got found under bulldog sex because we’re moaning about the isp bulldog and had just finished an adult site….

  32. #32 On December 21, 2005 02:44 PM Derek Featherstone said:

    I can’t go through all of them, but here’s one that literally just happened minutes ago:

    hearing voices of dead people

    Oh. Dear.

  33. #33 On December 22, 2005 10:33 AM Rakesh Pai said:

    I had made a similar post some time ago.

  34. #34 On December 22, 2005 02:43 PM Steve Williams said:

    Recently got this in my blog referrer list?!

    richard hammond etch a sketch

    Maybe there’s a limited edition out for Christmas?